"But beneath the surface of the digital self-portrait there is no ego, no being, to discover, only a deception, a learned expression, a demand, and a deep valley of meaninglessness." "THE DIGITAL SELF-PORTRAIT" BY MIRNA FUNK




Why do we enjoy it so much, to photograph
ourselves again and again? Why do we want
to capture every situation, every moment, and
every sensation? Because we are addicted to
the sight of ourselves, to our own existence?
Or because these things are a source of anxiety
– because we cannot be sure of our own
existence unless there is someone watching,
someone responding, and thus giving us life.
“For Hegel the subject was not feasible as an
individual self-consciousness [sic] without its
dialectical counterpart (general public).” In
other words, there can be no subject without
an observer. We do not exist until our existence
has been confirmed by others.

The digital self-portrait runs like a thread through the media world. Programs like Photo Booth and devices like smartphones and handycams have simplified the process of photography. By reducing the cost and complexity, they’ve shifted the focus from the qualitative to the quantitative. But the possibility to practice some task does not necessarily mean that task will be pursued. First, the possibility must find the necessary receptor that waits for the appropriate and long missing agonists. The possibility has to press the right button – and this button seems to have been found. Why do we enjoy it so much, to photograph ourselves again and again? Why do we want to capture every situation, everymoment, and every sensation? Because we are addicted to the sight of ourselves, to our own existence? Or because these things are a source of anxiety – because we cannot be sure of our own existence unless there is someone watching, someone responding, and thus giving us life. “For Hegel the subject was not feasible as an individual self-consciousness [sic] without its dialectical counterpart (general public).”In other words, there can be no subject without an observer. We do not exist until our existence has been confirmed by others. This essay is concerned with the question of whether this self-portraiture is a symptom of egomania or rather a sign of the search for our ego. This morning I watched a raven in my courtyard facing off, minute by minute, hour by hour, against his own reflection in a window. He tried to fool this mirror image; he lay in wait, often pretending as if he had lost all interest in the game, then without warning he would fly again with full heft against the glass. He demanded an answer by force, a reaction. In vain. After all, it was he himself who refused to answer.The look in the mirror and the associated recognition of oneself was for Lacan the beginning of a psychological phase that is associated with the development of the ego. The so called mirror stage le stade du miroir is a prerequisite for the formation of our self-awareness, i.e. the self-self-consciousness. The ego that arises in the mirror stage is based on an image. This image is for the first time independent of others. It is not the response of others to me, but rather a purely subjective perspective of myself. If the child has so far only experienced the world through the response of another – the Other – for instance, by the symbiotic interweaving with his mother, then the image in the mirror is the moment of self-identification. His own image looks back at him. For Lacan, this mirror image is the Imaginary. The Imaginary in Lacan is, unlike in common usage, not limited to the illusory (though the view in the mirror is based on some kind of deception). It turns out to be much more than the origin of narcissistic fantasies of omnipotence. The ego experiences itself for the first time independent of others, its perceived existence reliant on the perception of its counterpart. The child believes in his own existence without the Other only by looking at himself and falls instantly in love with this supposedly autonomous ego. Today, the self-portrait staring back at me is just such a mirror image. It is the place of self-identification. It is the illustration of the self. At least that’s what we believe. At least that’s what we hope. Ultimately, the question of one’s own existence is painful and difficult. WHO AM I? Whether consciously or unconsciously, this question torments us. It thrusts upon us the task of philosophers. The average person does not ask loudly, but softly whimpers, trying to produce his own image, to track down the ever-elusive phantom. If today’s popular scientists land on bestseller lists with books like Richard David Precht’s Who am I – And If So, How Many?, it’s clear just how much the question still haunts us and how desperately we still want answers. Can the self-portrait provide us with these answers? Do we receive a confirmation of our existence through the imaginary view of our physical self? Is the self-portrait a picture of our own inner striving? A brief philosophical digression into two contrasting perspectives on the ego-mind might bring us closer to the cause of this near-manic repetition by which we attempt to establish our state of existence. One of the perspectives posits that the ego exists only through the view of the counterpart; the other, that the ego must be understood as a self-centered being. The former holds that reflection and recognition of the self is only possible through the Other; the latter sees the individual as capable of understanding his own existence independently. Kierkegaard and Nietzsche are both representatives of the second approach. Therefore they both assume that one’s own existence can be discovered in the reflection, thus diminishing the importance of the Other in the process of selfawareness. For Kierkegaard, this reflection is a spiritual one, while Nietzsche sees the process as originating from the body. By this logic, it is not by looking within, but by looking at the concrete history of one’s life that the ego is revealed to an individual. However, it should be noted that “the danger of the direct questioning of the subject about the subject and of all self-reflection of the spirit (Geist) lies in this, that it could be useful and important for one’s activity to interpret oneself falsely.”2 Is the narration of one’s life through self-photography the same sort of narrative observation that Nietzsche saw as constituting the true revelation of the self? Is this what Precht implies when he inquires as to the quantity of the ego? Are we the sum of our parts that can no longer be intellectually unified, but can only be represented through pictures – starting, so to speak, from the body? Ultimately, what can be seen in the picture is only our physical appearance, under which is our ever-changing being, our life history. A visual diary of our existence, which will help us to unify our individual presence into a larger whole, into a sequence of events. Are we this elastic bit of chewing gum, stretching to our own death? Is that our ego, a Möbius striplike structure of strung-together snapshots, a manifestation of our desire to photograph ourselves constantly, to capture our place in the world at every millisecond of our lives? It isn’t easy, to always look outside of oneself without being able to see oneself. But does pulling the trigger repetitively help to confirm our existence? Isn’t our joke only funny through the peals of laughter of others, aren’t our evil tongues revealed as truly wicked through the tears of our counterparts, and don’t we find in the murmuring groan of our beloved the real force behind our desire? We live in a world in which our egos are reinforced by our images. We live in a time when a photo of a face becomes a profile. Photoshop and digital photography make it possible not only to change one’s face, to improve it, but even to delete and reproduce it without limit. In his latest book, Transparenzgesellschaft (Transparent Society), Byung-Chul Han says: “In digital photography, all negativity is erased. It requires neither a darkroom nor development. No negative precedes it. It is a pure positive. Becoming, aging, dying – all this is eliminated: Not only does it commonly have the fate of paper (perishable), but even if it is attached to more lasting supports, it is still mortal: like a living organism, it is born on the level of the sprouting silver grains, it flourishes a moment, then ages. Attacked by light, by humidity, it fades, weakens, vanishes [...]. Roland Barthes connected photography with a way of life, for which negativity is constitutive of time. [...] Digital photography is accompanied by a completely different way of life that continuously rids itself of negativity. It is a transparent photography without birth or death, fate or incident.“ 


If we look at Nietzsche’s notion that the consideration of one’s own history brings one closer to understanding the ego, then analogue photography – maybe even the self-portrait – could contribute to this process. Digital photography, however, is the expression of the imaginary. It is an ego-delusion. We create a picture of ourself that we sell as a supposedly true account, or profile. We pose, retouch, and erase until we are satisfied with our self-image. We make funny faces, photograph ourselves at flattering angles, and calibrate the contrast in Photoshop. Our exhibitionism robs us of our own face. “It is no longer possible to be your own face. [...] The problem is not the increase of images per se, but the icon compulsion, to become an image.“satisfaction of needs. The creation of images always awaits a gaze – but this gaze never comes, because a gaze must linger, must discover, must penetrate. But beneath the surface of the digital self-portrait there is no ego, no being, to discover, only a deception, a learned expression, a demand, and a deep valley of meaninglessness. We believe that through the presentation of our image, we come nearer to the viewer, and that by creating images of our various states of existence, we come nearer to ourselves. But this nearness degenerates to a lack of distance. “Lack of distance is not nearness. Rather, the two states anhilate each other. Nearness is rich in space, while lack of distance destroys space. Farness is inscribed to nearness. Nearness is therefore far. Thus Heidegger speaks of a ‘nearness so pure it endures farness’.The digital self-portrait is therefore neither a product of egomanical selflove nor the repettitive reassurance of our own existence. Because our own existence cannot be found in the deceptive, Photoshop-processed image. The digital selfportrait is a constructed identity. There is no image of the self, no assembling of one’s life story – it’s the repetitive display of learned beauty ideals. It is a diversion from our true ego. No self-love, no self-knowledge, just a self-sellout. It is mere promotion. For ourselves and for the market. As the hypocritical “Shaka” of self-examination or as fuel for the iLike motor of the social Web. The question of our identity, of who we really are, remains unanswered. The search for our ego, fruitless. Even the crow has given up. He sits wearily at the window and preens himself in embarrassment.

Literature:
1. Riedel, Christoph: Subjekt und Individuum, p.123.
2. Nietzsche, Friedrich: Nachlass aus den Achtzigerjahren in Werke 6, p.475.
3. Han, Byung-Chul: Tranzparenzgesellschaft, p.20.
4. Han, Byung-Chul: Tranzparenzgesellschaft, p.26.


Mirna Funk was born in 1981 in Berlin. 
After secondary school she studied communication, going on to work as a freelancer in Quality Research for Volkswagen from 2005 – 2008. 
From 2007 – 2009 she assisted Oliver Litten as a strategic planner for Nivea. 
In the fall of 2010 she began studying philosophy at Humboldt University in Berlin. Amongst other things, she writes short stories, essays, and articles for
 iref, der Freitag, Amy & Pink, and Mixology. 
She currently works as a freelance author and consultant,
 and as an editor atpoint-rouge.de.






"LEADERS LIVE BY CHOICE, NOT BY ACCIDENT." (Mark Gorman) - An afternoon with Sabine Lisicki


“Even when I met her personally for the first time I noticed her target-oriented commitment. (...) her overwhelming joy she used to show. (...)
She exudes confidence, shows a thrilling match and spectacular rallies.”
(Steffi Graf on Sabine Lisicki)

German professional tennis player.
Started at the age of seven.
Ranked 14th worldwide in 2012.
Serve 210 km/h (while Maria Shaparova, ranked first place, serves 190 km/h).
She is ambitious.
She lets nothing come in her way.
She is beautiful.
We asked.
She answered.
Straightforward.
As her shot.

The whole interview after the jump.

You’re extremely determined and have an exact plan, however the body often gets in the way and botches this plan. That’s part of the job. What’s important is to get up more often than you fall down. Do you have a mantra?
Never separate yourself from your dreams and illusions. If they were to disappear you would continue to exist, but you would have ceased living.

One time you said that you like to have a large audience around you. What did you think if you stepped onto the court at Wimbledon, for example?
I DID enjoy it to the fullest! being able to play on the biggest tennis court in the world with the public behind me…


Do you also think about yourself during the game or are you absolutely focused?
I’m in my zone, as I call it. That’s how it feels because I can’t bring myself out of it anymore.

You’ve been photographed a thousand times. Do you think about how you look at the moment or do you think as an athlete?
That’s quite practical. Of course one always wants to look good! Nike helps me there immensely. Then one has the necessary concentration for what is essential: the yellow ball.
What you do clearly places you in the limelight. This quickly changes a person’s self-perception.

Would you describe yourself as egotistical?
Never in my life.


On one hand you totally over-exert yourself and place yourself under continuous physical pressure. On the other hand, you give your fans an amazing amount in return. How do you feel about that?
It’s a fantastic feeling to know that these people are here to watch you, that you really give them something, which is the exact reason that they are right where they are and support YOU. Because of this I also give my fans the
possibility to stay in contact and to get an impression of me off the court. I update my Twitter and Facebook accounts regularly.

What is your biggest goal?
I want to be number one in the world and to win a Grand Slam title. I don’t accept any compromises. Do you have any sort of time plan? Are you too old to play at some point?
No, there never was (a timetable). I play tennis because I am passionate about it. No one told me that I should do it.

Do you also have a private life on the side?
Of course! I have a lot of friends that have nothing to do with sports.

Could you imagine ever doing something else?
Not at all, it just doesn’t exist.




photos: marcus gaab
Fashion: ann-kathrin obermeyer
Hair & Make-Up: manuela kopp


Unapologetic

I rarely blog about celebrities but we have to understand they are human too and who are we to judge..everything was made through God so none of us are a piece of junk but imperfect masterpieces navigating our way through this thing called life. ~Stylicia~


Rihanna is infamous for being in the news, if it is not about her music it is about her relationship woes with Chris Brown. However, I believe this young lady is still trying  to find out who she really is as a young woman. People have judged her and ridiculed her as if they know the real Robyn "Rihanna". But how can we cast the first stone when we all have a past and we all were 24 years old once upon a time. I remember when I was 24 I was young, carefree, risky and dumb. However, I did what every 24 year old did in life when you are still trying to find your authentic self. Yesterday when I saw the unveiling of Rihanna's new album cover I was awestruck by the message I saw that surrounded her in words. As a poet I saw the artistic style in her message but as a writer I read between the lines to see a young lady who have emotions. We all have emotions but why do we have to be defined by what other people think. A person who is authentic is real with who they are and unapologetic for being who they were born to be. I believe in society we have allowed rules, regulations and people's opinions to conform us to a false image of ourselves. When people had a chance to view Rihanna's interview on Oprah's Next Chapter they saw a young lady who was scared, shy and loving.  We live in a society where image is everything so as a business woman I understand the image of my brand will hurt me or help me. However, I also know what people observe about me through social media does not mean they really know who I am. Everyone has multifaceted sides to who they are depending on who they may be around. When I am at home my daughter sees one side of me, when I am doing business then colleagues will see another side of me and when I am with my family in Detroit I feel free to be totally unadulterated "Stylicia".  Rihanna is a prime example of a young woman in search of love, ruling the world in her genre and being forced to live up to the standards of being a role model to other young girls. However, her message is profound saying " I am who I am, I may be what you think I am but I am unapologetic for being true to myself". The best lesson I took from her new album cover is hiding who you really are will hurt you so it is important to be honest and open with yourself. Authenticity can only be resurrected when you no longer live your life on other people's time table but grow from your mistakes. Growth is a process and Rome was definitely not built over night. We all are handcrafted by God to be a unique extraordinary design framed by him and him alone.

Live Bold. Live Loud. Live Authentically. No apologies needed!

"DO NOT SEEK THE ANSWERS. LIVE THE QUESTIONS NOW. PERHAPS YOU WILL THEN GRADUALLY LIVE ALONG SOME DISTANT DAY INTO THE ANSWER." (Rilke) A conversation with Juliane Späte

Finding inner peace may be an over-used phrase, but how do we achieve it? Asking a psychologist may provide a lot of answers and suggestions, but if you are longing for a quick, but effective way to slay your inner demons it might lead you to distance places, or more precisely to Peru. Our friend Juliane Späte dared to travel into the jungle and into her deepest anxieties at the same time. During workshops with experienced shamans — and sometimes a handful of celebrities as well — you receive treatment through drinking Ayahuasca, the “vine of soul.” The shamans have boiled down this brew from Amazonian plants containing hallucinogenic DMT (dimethyltryptamine) for centuries. Thanks to other ingredients in the tropical plants the mind-expanding ingredients circulate freely throughout your body. Ayahuasca heightens your body’s capacity to utilize natural serotonin. Sounds dangerous? To indigenous people the juice is comparable to an herbal tea: a natural medicine, without any risk. But as a contemporary European it might change your world-view, especially your self-perception. With that goal in mind and a healthy level of curiosity, Juliane Späte decided to set off on this adventure alone. After stumbling into a high position in the frenetic fashion industry at a very early age and dissuaded by its “downsides,” Späte began her journey to find answers to questions that have plagued her since she was a young girl. We met her and asked her to share her personal experience about the “break from the ego.”

How did you come to travel to Peru?
A pattern of stumbling into certain things without knowing what I was getting myself into seems to have always gone along with a lot of my decisions. The journey to Peru began with the founding of my scouting agency. I thought — if this is so easy, we should do this on a more professional basis. So we created an online scouting platform. But at 23, having just finished my studies, I soon felt like I constantly had to function for others.

Why was this the case?
Building up a modeling career demands a lot of strategy, patience, and sometimes even educational skills on the part of the agent. Most of the guys we discovered only did it for fun alongside their studies. But there were also the types that immediately wanted to break into Hollywood and didn’t have a clue about the industry. This can be quite frustrating. At the forefront there were conversations with clients that made me think,“What is going wrong here?” You discover a great potential model and all you get to hear is: “Sorry, his chin is too long,” or “Um, he’s great, but his nose is a little bit too German.” A part of me started to feel very critical about what I was doing. These circumstances clashed with questions that came from a completely different background. I lost my mother, who I was very close to, at the age of 12. She was in her 40s and it was shocking. This loss evoked a very early realization of mortality in me. Not in a rational sense when you are reminded that there is an end to your life. That thought can easily be pushed aside. I mean the certainty that I am going to die someday on an emotional level that set my teeth on edge.

And were you afraid to die early?
The fear wasn’t necessarily present at all times, but I think subconsciously the pressure grew, the constant thought that my time is limited. One day a friend of mine gave me a book called A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and said, “I think you should read this.”

What is the book about and how did it help?
It’s basically a non-dogmatic manual about how to release yourself from identification with your thoughts and the constant demands of life. It somehow puts your focus back on the present moment and reminds you how your way of thinking is influenced by your cultural and educational background. The mere acknowledgement that my ego permanently labels everything was somehow very releasing.

So, because of this book you decided to drop out?
Well, it started more with a new state of awareness that, in my case, had to do with the book. I’ve never felt more awake. You get up in the morning and see every little detail sharper than ever — every breath, every thought, every behavior, weakness and strength, and those of the people around you. The decision to “drop out” came about half a year later, after my residence in New York. I took photo courses at the School of Visual Arts to be able to push our agency website forward professionally. On the way into Manhattan I was hoping that this machine would spit me out in one piece. I was stunned by how many people were dissatisfied in the fashion industry, especially those that seemed to have everything. It made me wonder what I was really striving for. When I returned to Germany I had to apply for loans to turn the scouting platform into an agency. I realized that if I took this risk, I needed to feel at ease with my self. But I didn’t. So I decided to hand the project over to someone else.

And then you went to Peru on your own and did the workshop in a shamanic temple?
At this time, the Ayahuasca shamanism was discussed a lot among my friends, since one of them had worked as a volunteer at a temple in Peru. I started to do some research. It was the fact that this particular temple offers rituals with up to seven Shamans at once, mainly women, that made me want to take part. 

How did the workshop start?
The Temple of the Way of Light is a retreat in the northern part of the Peruvian Amazon that offers Ayahuasca healing rituals with shamans from the Shipibo clan. A workshop typically consists of about 20 people from all over the world. To get the best possible effect out of these healing rituals you have to prepare yourself with a special diet. No salt, sugar, spices, diary, animal fats, and no sexual activity.

Is that difficult?
Yes, unbelievably so. (laughs) But after a while you feel incredibly balanced. I met all the other participants in Iquitos, the nearest jungle city, from there we took a boat into the rain forest, then it was an hour walk to the temple. Upon arrival, the shamans, four women and two men, warmly welcomed us. They gave us each a flower bath, which means, they throw buckets filled with water and pounded flowers over your head. Backpack gone, swimsuit on, you sit stripped bare on a bench with all these flowers in your hair. There’s no space for any kind of ego. The resort is simple, but incredibly beautiful. Everyone sleeps in huts around an artificial lake. I shared mine with a lovely lady from L.A. She was the personalassistant to a billionaire and wanted to escape from her materialistic life. There is a hut for meals with a little library and a residential area for volunteers and shamans. Group sessions and ceremonies take place in a big hut in the middle of the resort, the Maloka. You spend a lot of time there. Hammocks are installed and you can read, paint, think, relax, anything you feel like doing. At first everybody sits together and people explain their reasons for coming. This feels strange, because most are very personal reasons. After that you get a one on one consultation with the shamans, to introduce your intentions for the workshop.

How would you describe the effect of Ayahuasca?
Ayahuasca is a brew made out of the Ayahuasca liana, which is a climbing tropical plant, and a shrub called Chakruna used in healing rituals. Chakruna contains a psychoactive substance called DMT, which is a natural product that also exists in the human body. DMT has hallucinogenic effects and can evoke strong visions, even out of body experiences. When consumed, it is usually catabolized by the body’s own enzymes quickly, but the Ayahuasca liana contains MAO inhibitors so the DMT will stay in your body longer.

What was your intention?
I wanted to work on the part of myself that constantly seeks the meaning of life and to come to peace with the pressure I was putting myself through.




What happens in a ritual? Were there specific daily routines that you could describe?
A description of my personal experiences in the ceremonies could probably be compared to the effort of explaining rock ‘n’ roll to someone who doesn’t know what sound is. But I will try to give you an impression. A workshop takes two weeks and you participate in seven ceremonies that can last up to five hours each. During the day you practice Yoga, meditate, get flower baths, go for walks with the shamans, and learn about plant medicine or you discuss your experiences with the others. That is pretty intense and we had an incredible group dynamic. We bonded from the first day at the cleansing ritual, called Vomitivo. You meet at seven o’clock in the morning to drink so much water that you have to throwup — in front of everybody! At nine pm everyone gathers in the Maloka. Mattresses are rounded up in a circle. The shamans sit in the middle. They decide how much you get to drink. The shamans drink it too, to be able to work with you, but a lot less. The ceremony takes place in total darkness. After 45 minutes the effect sets in. At this point the shamans start with their Icaros, nature songs that are their main working tool. Shamans are taught the Icaros during their plant diets; when they spend their time in isolation and only eat the plant whose spirit they want to connect with. This is repeated throughout their lives. Besides strong visions, Ayahuasca can evoke a large variety of reactions, which are considered to have cleansing effects — laughter, tears, yawning, strange noises, contorted movements, or puking. I mainly cried when the Icaros started. The shamans sat in front of us one after the other and sang. I felt uncannily sensitive to all noise. As if every little part of my organism was able to hear everything down to the spiders outside the Maloka knitting their webs. And then the visions hit. But it’s not as if you are watching a movie — you are in the film. I left my body and could see myself sitting on the mattress from about a meter above my head. From time to time I thought I was drifting away, but the shamans seemed to know what they were doing, blowing smoke in my face, tapping at me, guiding me in a certain directionwith their voices. They can intensify the things you go through, establish an order, or let things disappear. Now imagine six people doing that to you in a row. The women seemed to concentrate on my childhood loss since this was the scenario that came again and again. In the second ceremony they gave me a little bit more to drink and I reached a state that no words can possibly describe. Neither time nor space or language existed. It was a non-verbal state of being. That was incredibly scary and funny at the same time, because I wanted to tell everybody, but couldn’t, because there was no way to communicate. Naturally I panicked, but fear only incorporates itself into your visions. However, if you notice it you can confront it and if you are lucky it begins to dissolve. At some point I had to run to the toilet and couldn’t go back to the Maloka, because I just couldn’t. So they send a shaman in who was supposed to “sing me down.” This would have made great movie material. Me with my pants down and next to me a shaman on a plastic chair, singing, tapping, puffing. That is what I call real altruism. Surprisingly, after a while I was completely normal, had a good laugh, and went straight to bed. Of course I was the running gag for the rest of the time. So that’s basically how I made my way through 12 days of jungle camp. A very warm atmosphere prevailed over everything, but after a while you are so exhausted that all you want is salty, spicy food and civilization.

What happened after the workshop?
I went hiking in Cusco with a great bunch of people from the temple. That was the most exhausting part of the journey. I hadn’t thought about the stress of elevation. Suddenly I found myself 5000 meters above sea level with nothing but nature, fog, and silence. Breathing is hard at those heights and some of us got altitude sickness. At night I had to throw up, and only made it to the feet of my tent mates while it was raining cats and dogs. But we had to keep on going. Physically and mentally it was a real borderline experience and a whole other level of ego confrontation.

Did the process bring clarity? What was your personal conclusion when you came home?
At first I was disappointed, since I hadn’t found any concrete answers. It just felt as if some door had opened up, without me knowing where it was and how it would help me in my everyday reality. On the whole it wasn’t easy to reintegrate. Everybody was curious about my experiences, but most of them had this preconceived notion of shamanism. I couldn’t even resent it. If you’ve never come in contact with shamanism, it will simply sound like some mystic hocus-pocus. If you truly want to understand what happens out there, it takes more than one conversation. So I avoided talking about it too much. Nevertheless the everyday situations in Berlin made me laugh a lot. A barefoot drunk came up and accosted me on my first day back. And I could only think: “What on earth is your problem?” It’s these little things that made me realize how hard it is for me to get out of my skin.

And what do you think about shamanism now after the whole trip?
I take a relatively neutral position. I know quite a lot of people that have worked with shamans. Some of them show a tendency towards creating ideologies after having taken Ayahuasca and projecting them onto the community. My experience was personal — I wouldn’t dare weave together a universal theory. It’s where belief and disbelief start. Beyond that, one shouldn’t forget that DMT is an entheogen, which can serve as a highly manipulative tool. One can easily start idealizing the shaman as the noble savage who has all the wisdom that western civilization lost on the way to modernity. But generally I am very grateful for everything I have been shown by the shamans. Living and dying is a very natural process for these people. One thing I’ve realized is that once you’ve come to terms with your fear of the inevitable fact of death or loss, you will see your very own reality from a completely different angle.

Do you have a maxim or a thought that you like to think back on?
I am a huge R.M. Rilke fan and always come back to his Letters to a Young Poet, in which it says, “Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is,to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you win then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” But other than that, in a moment of struggle the participant with probably the worst story I’ve ever heard, gave me a piece of paper with “FEAR as in F alse E vidence A ppearing R eal.” I still think about that fondly today.




The Power In Loving Yourself

If there is power in loving yourself then why are people doing less of it....

There is a great power in loving yourself from the crown of your head to the sole of your feet. I use to lack this gift of love because I did not believe in putting myself first. I was so use to putting everyone needs before my needs and it drained me. Once I started to love myself unconditionally I felt a sense of self worth. For so long I put my self-worth in people and my identity was stuck in the men I dated and my friends. I had an identity problem which affected my life in a great way. However, when I began to love myself my circle of friends changed and my relationship with men changed as well. I decided to love myself, started to become my own best friend and soon my road became an individual path. The road to self love can sometimes be a lonely road but you have to decide that  loving yourself is worth losing some people. I had the devastating blow of a 14 year  friendship ending over my new found self love. Do I regret the choice? No, I never regret putting my love for myself first. People will  dump all their emotional and mental trash on you as long as you allow them to do it. The road maybe lonesome but becoming your own best friend is optional. It taught me how to dig deep within to give myself what I  needed. Everything we need is planted on the inside of us, but we become busy looking for love, peace, joy, etc. in other people. God has equipped us with all the significant tools to live an abundant life. Whatever we are lacking all we have to do is seek within ourselves to pull out our full potential. Once I began to nurture my love for myself I found my joy, peace, laughter and friendship in myself. I am no longer looking for friendship because I am learning to be my own best friend. I am no longer looking for peace, love or joy because I am discovering it within myself. The journey is endless and the process is continuous to finding  the solutions inside of me yet it is the most rewarding path I have taken....There is a great rewarding power in loving yourself!

P.S. I am unapologetic for choosing me...Never apologize for loving yourself!

Never Give Up!


Life is like a winding road sometimes you may not know which road to take but all roads will lead you right back to your predestined journey. ~Stylicia A. Bowden~


If someone would have told me I would be graduating from college at the age of 33 with my bachelor’s degree in business administration I would have not believed them. I was always into my education and worked hard to see myself accomplish my goals. It was always my goal to attend college after high school and get my degree in Journalism. However, my life took different journeys which lead me down many winding roads. When I graduated from high school I started one year of college at Wayne State University in Detroit, Michigan. However, I became easily distracted during my first year in college and did not have enough money to return the following semester. I realized that I wanted more out of life than college so I decided to join the US Navy at the age of 19. I was able to see the world and still let the military pay for my education. I spent a year in college at my first duty station but then lost my focus again when I got stationed somewhere else. When I became a mother at the age of 22, I was no longer focused on my goals. However, I was still determine to readjust some things in order to finish my education. After being stationed overseas I started to work on my education for a brief moment but then my second child was born. I could have quit but I knew getting my college education was always a goal in my life. During my last duty station I knew the military lifestyle was coming to an end but before I left the military another curve ball was thrown to me, the death of my youngest daughter. I would have never imagined myself losing my child but when this happen I was devastated and it changed my life.  In 2007, I left the military for good but had no clue on what I was going to do with my life. I knew I had no desire to ever again work for another company again so I jump back on the college horse in 2009 to finish my Associate Degree. However, in 2010 with only 1 class away from my degree I failed my last class due to overwhelming pressure and personal issues. I was discouraged but I kept moving forward to accomplish my dream. In January 2011 I registered at Strayer University in Charleston, SC. I decided to use all of my college credits from my last college and the military to obtain a bachelors degree in business administration. I was challenged with balancing being a single mother, helping my oldest daughter with her homework and creating a new life as a college student. It was a long road but I can proudly say this year I will be graduating with my Bachelor’s Degree in Business Administration on October 27th, 2012 in Norfolk, VA. Sometimes life will not go the way you plan but it is up to you to not allow your circumstances to hold you back from accomplishing your dream. If your goal is important to you continue to work towards it, the road maybe bumpy but you can do it!

I am now working towards my MBA in International Business....My college education is for my daughter, mom,dad, brothers and all the people who died just to get an education in my culture and ancestry. With each degree I obtain there is a legacy I carry with it and people attached to my educational success.

P.S. This blog post was also featured on College Girl Inc. for this month http://tinyurl.com/9p7ktxr     

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